upside down kingdom

Something unusual and unexpected happened to me the other day! This is how the story goes, my sink was leaking and I called Cuya Boyet about it since he helps us fix so many things. Being so thoughtful as he is he offered to come right over and take a look at it. He came over so did 7 year old Theo with his sister’s puppy. I’m sure he brought her over because they knew how fond Eve was of her and how she would always carry her around like a baby when she could. The puppy was on her leash and Eve was giving her plenty of attention when I called Eve to help me. This beautiful, tan puppy had bright green eyes and was very adorable indeed. Eve went to go check on Ezra who we were babysitting at the time and left Luke in charge of the puppy. I was meanwhile distracted in the kitchen when Eve came running over to me to tell me the puppy had wriggled out of her collar and slipped through the fence and across the street while Luke was in charge of her. She said she saw someone hand it to Ate Gina (Cuya Boyet’s wife, Theo’s mom). End of story I thought. Well, not good it ran away but at least it was safe at home now. Cuya Boyet finished fixing my sink, I thanked him and he went home. A few minutes later I crossed the street to visit the sari sari store next to Cuya Boyet’s house. Just then I see him coming across the street carrying in one hand his puppy by the scruff and in the other holding a long handled shovel. At that moment I realized what had happened! I thought when Eve said someone gave the puppy to Ate Gina that it was alive and had made it home safely and all of a sudden I felt my stomach drop and realized the puppy had died crossing the street when it got loose while Luke was watching it. Guilt, disbelief, shock, horror, sadness all rushed through my being as I ran back across the street to catch up with Cuya Boyet. I did not know what to say and so I stumbled over my words, “did that happen just now when my kids were watching your puppy at my house”
“is she dead, did she get hit by a car trying to go home”, “ I’m so sorry, I’m so sad, oh no”. As he put his limp and lifeless puppy down to try and bury it he said with a sad and compassionate face, “ It’s ok, they are just kids, accidents happen.” I am thinking, “no it’s not, this is awful, the puppy you love was just struck and killed by a car cause my kids let it get loose!” At the same time noah, eve, and luke come outside to try and find me because they heard what happened. I try to send them back home since Cuya Boyet is shoveling dirt and making a small hole for his puppy and I don’t want them to see this and yet I want them to take ownership and apologize for their carelessness. I am trying to make things right so I keep talking to Cuya Boyet, this is a bad idea since I am foolish and I offer him money to buy another puppy for his daughter (like that would make everything alright or something!) My foolish American heart is revealed and instantly I wish I could take it back, or make it all better but I can’t. I wait for Cuya Boyet to finish burying his dog and then as he comes around the corner, I ask my children to apologize to him. They do and although I know this won’t change anything I want him to know we are responsible and we are very sorry. Without hesitation he offers forgiveness and says, “it’s ok, no more puppy,” and in this very crucial moment he offers comfort to my kids, tries to alleviate any guilt they might feel, tells them it’s ok. Luke cries. Eve is sad. I am mortified and in shock. That very morning I had read about forgiveness in the Bible and how Jesus taught we ought to forgive others freely because we have been forgiven so much. This very thing was being extended to me, to us. To illustrate Jesus’ upside down, backwards kingdom even more the very next day Eve was invited over to Cuya Boyet’s house by his daughter Ate Joyce because she said they could tell Eve was sad. Of course I let her go because I still felt in my heart that if there was anything I could do to make things right I would so whatever they asked I wanted to do. Eve was gone for several hours and then she returned home with Ate Joyce and an adorable, tiny, brown puppy in her arms. “Oh good!” I thought, “they got another puppy for Ate Marisol to replace the one we let die”. The words that came out of Ate Joyce’s mouth couldn’t have shocked me more. “This puppy is for Eve”. I tried to convince Joyce, to reason with her why they should keep the puppy for Marisol since she just lost hers but she politely refused saying that her family knew how happy that puppy had made Eve and they wanted her to have it. I stood there totally dumbfounded and in awe of such selflessness, compassion and forgiveness. Of course I accepted this expression of love which they had named Ginger. As I have reflected on this I am blown away and reminded of jesus and how his ways don’t make sense to the world and I am so unfamiliar seeing them lived out like this that they did not make sense to me when I experienced them. It’s one thing to forgive someone when they are rude to you but how bout when they are responsible for the death of your beloved puppy. Will you quickly try to comfort them and try to rid them of any guilt? Will you think about them and try to show them love and forgiveness? Would you get them a puppy for themselves even though they were the reason you lost yours? I am learning a lot about Jesus here and how if we really live for him it will make people notice there is something different about the way we live and love because of him.

Stripped and frisked

Hi seems it is me again. I feel as if looking back on month one i have a small sliver of an inkling of what Jesus has been trying to do in me. When you visit a mall here there is a person you will pass as you enter and if you are female it is a woman if male it is a man and they will frisk you ever so gently to ascertain the security of all those in the mall. At first it is uncomfortable but quick so it is bearable. After a few times it is acceptable and you think this is what you must do to enter the mall. When i first entered this new country, i thought arrogantly, "no problem i can handle this i've been to foreign lands, eaten foreign foods hey i am strong i even delivered 5 kids without pain medicine" and then it comes. The realization that i am only fooling myself, that i am weak, that i have never really been strong; i am soft, spoiled, used to getting my way. I have never really suffered. When i meet these woman and men who lay down their lives daily i become keenly aware of my lack. it is like stripping an onion only to discover layer after strippable layer. It seems i've come to this place so the Lord could peel back my own illusions of strength and adequacy. I can do nothing apart from you. it's in the bible but i don't really believe it. It is when i see the faith of men, women, and children who depend on Jesus for their strength amidst true pain and suffering i understand this truth a little more. The openness of Filipinos is shocking to me, i ponder it. Why would a perfectly good stranger share with me so candidly and freely of her pain in losing her grown daughter, inheriting the gift and challenge of raising her four grandkids, and losing her husband all in the last few years? All the while reminding me she cries out to the Lord to give her strength and depends on him because that's all she can do. Another conversation with a dear older woman she shares her heart in broken english with tears of coming into relationship with Jesus late in life and realizing she does not have money but that's ok because she has Jesus and she is loved by him and that's enough. Another man shares of his abusive childhood and becoming a street kid to escape the tirades of his alcoholic father who would tie him up in a sack of rice and beat him. He recounts his motivation for living to seek revenge and kill his father one day, on his journey he accomplishes learning english, becoming educated, earning money and nears his goal until he encounters the one true God, Jesus Christ. Now seeking reconcilation and forgiveness from his father whom he hated for so long, he goes and finds him and asks to be forgiven (even though to me it would seem his dad needs to ask) and breaking his father's heart at the audacity that his kindness and love present, his father tearfully repents and his whole family is reconciled to God and one another. What kind of love is this, what kind of forgiveness, of change of heart? Only Jesus could elicit such a response, who faced wrongful suffering and chose to extend mercy and forgiveness! After hearing such a story, i am broken reminded of how i store a tiny wrong or perceived wrong in my heart and nurture it as if i had a right. I am being stripped of my own false presuppositions of myself and as Jesus tenderly reveals another layer of my sorry heart I am reminded how great he is. How merciful, how loving, how good, how kind, how gentle. It is this invasion of my soul that reveals the hidden and concealed weapons of my own feeble heart. This is good, this is right. I am learning to accept his love even if i squirm.

Looks like we made it

hi i'm back long time since i wrote. As you all know by now we are here and enjoying life in the Philippines. I have experienced many of God's riches through the people we've met so far. Ate Merly and Uncle Peter (Joann's aunt and uncle) welcomed us with open hearts and arms. I wish you could have seen the beautiful piles of food that greeted us when we got to our new homes, they even cleaned our dusty places and prepared a lovely environment to come home to. We experienced God's gracious and generous love through them. Since that day nearly two weeks ago we've adjusted to jet lag and settled into a loose schedule for some of us (like homeschooling for the moms and kids) and continued to meet many excellent people. Our neighbor, Boyet, and man of peace (like brian likes to call him) is always around looking out for us and lending a helping hand (like towing our humongous van, a recent purchase, which likes to break down often). Him and his whole family have been warm and kind and loving just because that part of God's character is part of theirs. I have also seen God's sacrificial heart in the men and women who minister to others around them not because they have to but because they want to and even when they run out of funds they still sacrifice their time and resources so others around them might know how much Jesus loves them. I am blown away by all that Jesus is patiently teaching me. I realize i am slow to learn and way to spoiled and used to much comfort. I am learning to be thankful for the little things and the big (like surviving the traffic in the city) and I am honored to be among such wonderful teachers. hope to write again soon. much love, monica

hi all! I wrote a nice post yesterday and apparently i had no idea what I was doing cause it is not there! oh well. jennifer showed me what to do so today i am trying again. I was saying how in about a week the kids go back to school until we leave and i can't believe it is only three months till then! Please pray as i try to get back into the hang of homeschooling (since Luke says he is not ready to go to school yet but he assured me he will one day when he is older like 18)! I am very excited for all Jesus will teach the kids in Manila and me too! I feel Jesus is already getting us prepared and i say yes, I need his gentle correction! I am attempting to declutter and deaccumulate as we get ready to leave and boy am i a pack rat! It feels good to my soul to shed things that take up space and often times lead to my frustration and ungodly attitude towards the kids. It is easier to give their things away or throw them out. I'm next. My closet reflects my spirit often cluttered, unorganized, inefficient. I am eager to cleanse my life and spirit of so many unnecessaries! Pray for me in this endeavor. I want passion for jesus but this life is so comfortable, convenient, and complacent. I need you holy spirit...really my spirit longs for you but my flesh puts up a nasty fight!

My thoughts coming soon.

I will post something for everyone very soon.